


If I Ever Leave (I may never sleep tonight)

by Silverofyou



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Love, M/M, Ryden, Sex, This is the purest thing I have ever written, idk what to call this, not quite smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2018-07-29 08:30:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7677331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silverofyou/pseuds/Silverofyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And though it's just a line to you<br/>For me it's true<br/>And never seemed so right before<br/>- Something Stupid, Frank Sintara</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Ever Leave (I may never sleep tonight)

**Author's Note:**

> This is the purest thing I have ever written. Ever. 
> 
>  
> 
> Title taken from Trade Mistakes by Panic! At The Disco
> 
> Enjoy!

“But I don’t want you to go,” Brendon chokes out in a tiny voice, heat prickling behind his eyelids, his mouth pouting just a little. Ryan sighs defeated, walks up to him and wraps his arms around his middle, pressing his forehead against Brendon’s. 

“It’s only two months, Brenny. We can make it.”

“But you’re going to be so far away,” Brendon insists, his voice breaking slightly. “You’ve never been so far away before.”

Ryan sighs shakily, picks up the tear that’s running down Brendon’s cheek with his thumb. “I know, my love. But I have to. We’ll talk every day, and I’ll send you as many pictures as I can, and I’ll think of you every waking hour. But I gotta go.”

Brendon sniffs. “Can I at least stay with you tonight?” He looks up, and when Ryan sees his eyes, wide and full of hope, he feels something inside him breaking. 

“Of course you can, Bren.” He says, pulling Brendon closer. “Of course you can.”

 

***

 

When Ryan comes up to Brendon, standing directly in front of him, Brendon holds his breath. Ryan’s mouth is slightly open, his eyes wide and dark. Brendon can feel his own heart beating hard and fast, threatening to jump out of his ribcage at any moment. Ryan takes one more step, leaving only inches between his and Brendon’s body, and slowly raises his hand to start undoing the buttons on Brendon’s shirt. They don’t break eye contact. 

Once all the buttons are undone, Brendon shrugs off his shirt. He can hear his own heartbeat, and he’s pretty sure Ryan can hear it too. Ryan takes off his own t-shirt, letting it fall to the floor next to him. He then places both his hands on Brendon’s shoulders, lets one of them slide up all the way to Brendon’s neck, and presses his lips against Brendon’s. Brendon lets out a sigh against his boyfriend’s lips, kissing back. The kisses are unrushed, but hard and deep. Ryan slips his tongue in Brendon’s mouth, making the other boy moan softly in the back of his throat. They stumble towards the bed, and Brendon hits the mattress, having Ryan on top of him.

Ryan starts planting soft kisses along Brendon’s jaw, nibbling softly, all the way down his neck, then back up to his earlobe. 

“I want,” he whispers softly in Brendon’s ear, hands firmly placed on his hips, tracing warm, constant cirles that have Brendon’s inside melting. “I want to make love to you.”

Brendon pulls back surprised, opens his eyes wide. He feels his heart beating even faster than before, a warm feeling that has nothing to do with lust spreading through him. Ryan would have usually said something like “I wanna fuck you,” or, “I want you to fuck me,” but this… 

He nods. 

Ryan stands up from the bed, takes off his jeans and underwear, tosses them aside. Brendon looks at him in awe, because no matter how many times he’s seen it, how many times Ryan denies it… Ryan is  _ beautiful.  _

When he comes back to the bed, Ryan slowly makes his way to Brendon’s chest, kissing the sensible skin in his neck, nibbling, running the tip of his tongue over each spot his teeth graze. He presses butterfly kisses on Brendon’s collarbone, runs his nose along Brendon’s sternum all the way to his belly button, blows softly when he reaches it. Brendon squirms a little, his eyelids fluttering shut. He feels Ryan pressing his lips on both of his hipbones, right above the waistband of his jeans. Ryan’s warm touch suddenly gone, Brendon opens his eyes, watches him slowly, carefully undo his zipper and pulling down his pants, briefs and all. Ryan stares at him, and Brendon feels himself blushing. It’s not like Ryan has never seen him naked, but his gaze is so intense, so much more  _ intimate  _ than it has ever been, that Brendon can’t help but feel slightly exposed. 

Ryan’s eyes dart back to Brendon’s, and Brendon sees him swallow. Ryan moves back on top of him, kisses him hard again, his cold fingertips touching Brendon’s cheek lightly, making him shiver. When Ryan pulls back to look at him, Brendon sees the lights of the candles flicker shadows on his face, making the angles look both sharper and softer, his eyelashes longer, his eyes darker. It’s nearly breathtaking, and Brendon finds himself tracing his finger along all the shadows and lines on his face, tracing the sharp edge of his jaw and the bridge of his nose, fingertips grazing the outline of his lips, and Ryan tilts his head to kiss them, closing his eyes as he does so. 

“I love you,” Brendon whispers, ever so softly, almost as soft as the ruffling of the silky sheets against their skin, as soft as the whoosh of the flames, as soft as the touch of Ryan’s lips against his neck. Ryan shivers from the words, closes his eyes, moves down all the way to Brendon’s thighs. The skin there is white and smooth, and Ryan presses a small kiss to the inside of the left one, running his fingers up and down the back, making Brendon let out a tiny moan.

Ryan’s mouth covers every single inch of Brendon’s body, heat pooling inside Brendon, his head fuzzy and his thoughts spinning. Ryan’s hot breath against his skin sends shivers up and down his spine, making him bend, shake, break. 

When Ryan pulls away to reach for the night table, Brendon is borderline shivering, his forehead shining with a thin layer of sweat, and then Ryan is back, and then Brendon feels his cold fingers against him, asking for permission. He grants it, will always grant it.

“Ryan” he whispers urgently, and Ryan looks up at him in understanding, holds his gaze as he moves to lie on top of him, holds his gaze as he merges their bodies together. Brendon’s hands clench around the sheets, his vision blurrying, and then Ryan is kissing his lips softly but surely, kissing his jaw and his neck, and then his hands are unknotting the sheets from Brendon’s, and then he’s intertwining their fingers together, placing their hands on the sides of Brendon’s head. 

Brendon can’t help the tiny noises that escape his mouth, noises Ryan is almost mirroring. Ryan’s mouth against his skin feels like melting butter, and his teeth hurt just the tiniest bit right, and Brendon’s heart is swelling inside his chest, his blood pumping in his ears. He opens his eyes to watch Ryan, because he can’t not watch him, because missing his fluttering eyelids and long lashes and sharp angles is too painful, because the love, that huge feeling that’s growing inside him, feels too heavy, too big to conceal, so he pours it all out, makes it clear in his face, lets it all out. 

And Ryan is watching him too, the same open, intent, adoring gaze in his eyes as soft gasps leak through his lips like honey, as his body shakes, and Brendon can’t help it as warm tears fall along the side of his head, wetting his hair and the pillow. It’s so overwhelming, too much to bear, and it hurts in the best way possible. Ryan lets go of one of his hands to wipe the tears away, murmurs soothing words in his ear, runs his fingers through Brendon’s hair, until Brendon has come down from the high, his body quivering against the mattress, his eyes closed again. 

Ryan lets out a deep, long moan that vibrates in Brendon’s head, and then he falls back on the bed beside Brendon, and Brendon doesn’t think twice before he’s moved to press his face against Ryan’s chest, taking in the smell of sweat and  _ Ryan  _ that lingers on his skin. Ryan pulls him closer, runs his fingers along Brendon’s spine, kisses the top of his head repeatedly until Brendon isn’t shaking anymore.

“I love you,” he whispers, and Brendon presses closer to him, and swears he will never let him go.

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't really proof read because I was so eager to post it, so if you see any mistakes please let me know :)


End file.
